Where’s that intense relationship we’re looking for?
While writing a previous blog post about loneliness, my thoughts naturally turned to relationships, specifically the deepest, most meaningful, and fulfilling ones. The longest longitudinal study on happiness, life success, and longevity most notably documented the indisputable role and importance of relationships. Waldinger & Schulz (2023) showed that strong relationships contribute to our happiness and physical and mental health. Okay, so we get the sound theory and what studies are telling us, but how do we actually experience and feel all of this in real life?
The searching for deep and meaningful relationships?
Upon closer inspection, most relationships prove superficial, driven by self-interest, or guarded by masks of awareness and censorship. In this relationship, we often prioritize diplomacy over expressing our true feelings. But even these kinds of relationships can bring important feelings of satisfaction and mental stimulation that can help us grow and develop our skills. Even then, we might yearn for a deeper connection, one reminiscent of our primary parental bond (for some). Relationships where we felt understood, accepted, and free from judgment. We often dream of having such a deep and meaningful relationship with our life partner. Is it possible, that is the question.
What is achievable?
Individual experiences, perspectives, and biases will inevitably influence how we respond. Let’s suppose, however, that all relationships besides those with parents are transactional. Our giving could be conditional on receiving something in return. Long-term unmet needs or desires will ultimately lead to the end of any relationship. If our assumption is right, we should only expect fleeting moments of deep connection from our partners. This implies that unconditional love and acceptance can truly characterize only parent-child relationships.
Another assumption is that relationships need ongoing effort to flourish. If dedicated effort strengthens parent-child bonds, the same principle applies to romantic relationships and friendships, which deepen over time with patience and commitment. Therefore, let’s put in the effort to cultivate a flourishing relationship.
References:
Waldinger, R. J., & Schulz, M. S. (2023). The good life: lessons from the world's longest study of happiness. Simon & Schuste Press
