Is self-belief a story told by others?

Can be read in just three minutes.

Spending a week with minimal social interaction prompted reflection on how to maintain my self-image independent of others’ validation, feedback, and opinions. I wonder how to build a solid foundation of self-knowledge, self-belief, and self-regulation, so that my self-image stays strong despite external factors like recognition, success, failure, or losing important aspects of our lives. The psychotherapy ideas about unconditional self-acceptance come to mind, but this concept can be quite abstract for many. We know the direction, perhaps, but the specifics of getting there are not always very clear.

What is our Essence? 

We could often find ourselves pondering what truly defines us. Are we merely the titles we hold, the professions we pursue, the outfits we carefully select, or the styles and attitudes we exude? Or perhaps, it is our results that ultimately shape our identity.

A posible answer?

I believe this journey is personal, and I don’t claim to have the definitive answer, but maybe a possible one, or at least mine. Initially, I questioned what made me valuable beyond my achievements and position. The answer was a jumble of ideas without the coherence to convince me or withstand criticism and rejection. 

This got me thinking about Buddhism’s concept of no-self and Camus’s ideas about the meaninglessness of life. Maybe I’m not searching for answers in the right place. Could unconditional self-acceptance require accepting not only ourselves, but also others, and even the world as it is? 

Let’s try an experiment: detaching my image from my belongings, titles, profession, status, and other identifiers I used to define myself. In what way? I’ve found some concrete steps that helped me and maybe I’ll find more in the future.

1. I’ve tried to embrace what’s happening in my life, not judge it, and focus on taking action instead.

2. I’m trying to be more humble and avoid showing off, and I’m also thinking twice before buying things to make sure I really need them.

3. I’m trying to move beyond judging things as simply right or wrong, good or bad in the long run, except for events that are undeniably clear, like war, famine, and sickness.

4. Most importantly, I’m trying to remember that everything is always changing and could end at any moment.

5. I’m making a conscious effort to be nice to everyone, even strangers. Being nice doesn’t imply being unaware, taking risks, or naive, in any way.

Side effects?

Self-exploration can be tough, it takes time, but shortcuts are just a way to deceive yourself. Growth often entails moving beyond your comfort zone and confronting discomfort, but I am not disclosing any news at this moment. That’s the way it is.

This blog post outlines my entire thought process because I believe the answer isn’t the same for everyone. I encourage you to begin the quest to answer the question, “What is my essence?” This is the primary focus of this article. Enjoy your journey!